My Blog

INSPIRATION FOR PARENTING

04/02/2012 13:59:00

INSPIRATION FOR PARENTING: Check out these daily posts

gathered from many sources. Maybe one will grab you and

make you a truly inspired parent

--at least for a few hours! Enjoy.

Reintegration or Reunification Therapy: What is it?

03/27/2012 18:30:00

Reunification or reintegration therapy: What is it? How does it work?

While described with different names, reunification or reintegration therapy is simply a special form of family therapy. Usually, it is requested when a child and a parent have had a significant breach in their relationship, due to being apart for a long period of time or, often, due to problems involved with a difficult divorce. Therapists have their own styles and approaches, but the goal is to seek the best relationship possible between the child and estranged parent. Sometimes the domestic or juvenile court orders this kind of therapy. Sometimes parents agree that the situation between child and parent is serious and seek the help themselves.

When I do reunification or reintegration therapy, I consider both parents as well as the child very important to the process. All three are my clients, as well as other children may be involved. I meet alone with each parent, to allow us a chance to get to know each other and to hear your concerns and your hopes. I also meet alone with the child or children, before starting the reunification process. Building trust and communication is really important for all involved.

The non-estranged or favored parent plays a key role in helping the reintegration process to succeed or fail and requires commitment and work on that parent's part. It can require putting away personal feelings, working on letting go of the past, setting aside past philosophies and opening up to a new way of seeing and doing things. This is not easy work and I understand that! Sometimes the non-estranged parent truly does not wish the child to be reunified with the other parent. On rare occasions there is enough reason for that to reconsider the work. Usually, though, the biggest hurdle for favored parents is to be open-minded and flexible enough to allow something new and healthy for the child to have a chance to grow. Estranged children really need their favored parent's support and encouragement for reunification to succeed.

Estranged or alienated parents also have a lot of work to do. A key piece for them is patience. Many times, these parents have not seen their children for weeks or months or even years. They may feel they have been treated unjustly and have a lot of anger toward the other parent or "the system." On the other hand, some parents know what role they have played in causing the separation between them and the child and have to recover from a lot of shame. Many estranged parents struggle with both anger and shame. It takes time for the process to get started, for me to build trust with each person, especially the child and the other parent, who, as noted above, is key to success. Owning up to past failings or even being patient as the child talks about things that might not be true is very challenging. We measure growth and change in small increments.

Much of the work of reunification or reintegration takes place outside of the therapy room. The favored parent tries to support the child's efforts in treatment and avoids saying negative things about the other parent. This is harder than it sounds most of the time, because it may be frightening or angering to think of the other parent coming back into the child's life. The favored parent has to work on his or her own feelings a lot.

In addition, part of the therapy usually involves the child gradually spending increasing time with the parent outside of the treatment room. This allows them to have small opportunities to get used to being together alone without overwhelming anyone involved. Sometimes a supervisor or the therapist herself participates, but often the child and parent spend their time without a third party monitoring. They may go out for a walk, a movie, ice cream, or a meal. Then in session, we can talk about how it felt, what went well, and what still needs attention. If court orders are in place, the child's time will gradually increase until it has met the court's orders, if possible. If not possible, the matter must go back to court or to a new agreement between the parents. In other cases, the reintegration therapy is more like a way to explore what works and what is possible between child and estranged parent.

Reintegration or reunification therapy is very challenging for children as well. They may have fears, realistic or otherwise, about the estranged parent. They may have untrue or distorted beliefs. Many of these children are not sure if their favored parent is really okay with them reconnecting with the other parent. they feel torn about their loyalties and about their emotional safety. It is important for both parents and tthe therapist to recognize the child's feelings and difficult position.

Does reunification therapy work? The answer, of course, is "it depends." How serious is the favored parent about giving the child and the other parent a real chance to heal, reconnect, and grow? How patient, tolerant, open, and humble can the estranged parent be? What supports or interferes with the child's trust in the therapist and in the process? Not all relationships can be healed. I believe, though, that with honesty, effort, and true good intentions on the part of both parents, many estranged parents and children can reconnect in healthy and important ways for the child.

For more information, please feel free to contact me. 720-493-4827.

Final thought: Seek peace and pursue it!

Marian Camden, Psy.D.

Licensed Psychologist

What to Expect When Your Child Comes to Therapy

02/20/2011 09:26:00

Marian Camden, Psy.D., LLC

Licensed Psychologist

7500 E. Arapahoe Road, Suite 375

Centennial, CO 80112

Phone: 720-493-4827 Fax: 303-779-8572

What to Expect When Your Child Comes to Therapy

Bringing a child in for therapy is a big decision for most parents, This handout answers basic questions about child therapy and provides an overview of how I work with children and their families. We will certainly be talking more as our work together progresses.

The first meeting:

I usually meet with a young child’s parents first, for discussion of the issues, back ground information about your child, and mutual questions and answers. Your child will come in for the second session in most cases. Older children and adolescents often join their parents for the first meeting.

Collecting Information:

I gather information about your child first and foremost from you, because you know your child best. In addition to our meeting, I will give you a child history form to complete at home and return to me at the next appointment. I invite both parents to participate as much as possible. Often, the teacher, pediatrician, CFI, or other professional has important information to share. I will obtain your written permission before consulting with any other professional about your child.

Introducing your child to therapy:

You might tell your child he or she will be meeting with a psychologist or therapist who likes to talk and play with children and help them feel better about any worries or problems they have. There will be toys, books, games, and at supplies in the therapist’s office. Let them know I am a “talking doctor” and will not give them shots! Therapy should never be presented as a punishment for some kind of displeasing behavior. Instead, I encourage you and your child to think of therapy as a chance to talk, learn, have fun, feel better, and often do better in the world. In the first session with young children, I sometimes read a book with them about play therapy, to help them understand what to expect in our time together. You might enjoy reading the book, too.

Your child’s first session:

Children vary in their first response to meeting a new therapist. Some children separate easily from their parents in the waiting room, while others need the security of having a parent join them for some or all of the first session or two. We will do whatever helps your child feel most comfortable.

What happens in your child’s therapy sessions:

I employ a number of approaches in child therapy, depending on your child’s age, needs, temperament, and life situation. I often engage children in semi-structured play therapy. In my office I have a number of toys, games, dolls, and art activities that provide your child with opportunities to express his or her feelings as well as the situations and relationships (real or symbolic) they connect to their feelings. Sometimes I offer children verbal interpretation of their play for discussion, and sometimes I simply allow them to resolve their feelings as we interact symbolically in the play process. Young children don’t usually come in and talk directly about their issues as the adults do. However, I will help your child find words for thoughts and feelings, because language gives all of us more clarity and power about our lives. I will often problem solve with a child as well about how to handle a problem or feeling. Sometimes parents join their children in the room for discussion or play when I think it would be beneficial.

Your child is likely to do art projects, play games, and even be silly in therapy. Parents wonder if this is “really therapy” or if it is “really helping.”

A lot of what helps and heals in therapy, both with children and adults, is the therapy relationship itself. Because children don’t naturally spend a lot of time talking about their problems, playing and having fun together helps build a trusting and safe relationship between child and therapist. New neuropsychological research suggests that physical activity while processing feelings and thoughts helps keep the brain active and alert to new processing in ways that simply sitting still do not. Techniques that activate the brain and body in this way are increasingly used in adult therapy as well. Activities also simply give children something to do with their hands so that talking directly about issues and concerns does not feel too intimidating or uncomfortable for them. Older children and teens may engage in more straightforward discussion of their issues. There is no one right way that therapy should happen. Every person is unique and so is every client-therapist relationship.

How we communicate about your child:

Therapist and parents working together is important. We will usually have meetings periodically to talk about your child’s progress, your observations and mine, and continuing concerns we have. I may ask for such a meeting and you are also welcome to request one any time. I say more to parents about the content of actual therapy sessions with young children than with older children and adolescents, because privacy and confidentiality become increasingly important to children as develop.

You can always tell me anything you think I should know: either in a meeting, in a brief voicemail message, a note, or a fax. I try not to get into discussions with parents before or after therapy sessions because we don’t want children to feel we are talking behind their backs. My schedule also does not permit me to talk with parents on the phone at length, beyond scheduling issues, unless we make a specific telephone appointment.

I feel privileged to work with your child and to earn your trust. I would like you and your child to be as comfortable, informed, and involved as possible. You can also support your child in therapy by keeping appointments regularly, arriving for appointments on time, letting me know your questions and concerns, keeping your account up to date, and following through with your child on any therapy homework or parenting/family experiments we agree to try.

Thank you, and I look forward to working with you and your child!